Wind, Assholes and Abe’s Whiskers

November 29, 2012

Winds a-howling this morning as another big storm is set to pound the northern coast of California, though, right now the skies are nearly-crystal clear, and a full moon hangs bright out over the Pacific.
Rain is expected, but the culprit in this weather narrative is the wind, which I really, really don’t like at all.
Give me rain, hold the wind.

Humboldt County Sheriff’s Sgt. Kym Thompson — watch the pets: “Lots of things scare dogs,” Thompson said. “They just take off and run. When inclement weather is coming — if it’s at all possible — bring your dog in.”

Bring everything in.

(Illustration found here).

Quick as a flash: Going from howling wind to howling asshole.
From CNN:

If you are in Missouri or Arizona, check your lottery tickets. You could be filthy rich.
Tickets for the record-breaking estimated $579 million jackpot were purchased in those states, lottery officials said early Thursday morning.

Wednesday’s prize is the largest in Powerball history.
But the prize still has a way to go to match the U.S. record payout of $656 million, set in March by a Mega Millions jackpot that was split between three winners.

All last week, and up until last night, customers at the liquor I manage were after the PowerBall game, but, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, and Ha! — we don’t sale it, and I told them in no uncertain terms if they wanted to play that one, take your asshole-self to Oregon.
There’s nothing as repugnant as the lottery, and that Mega bullshit noted above last spring indicated our civilization is indeed doomed.
If you like, read what I thought that bullshit here.
And filthy rich?
The constant dream of clueless assholes.

And because apparently the GOP exists, there’s plenty of assholes.
Fer instance — Republican Rep. Lamar Smith of Texas, anointed this week by House Speaker John ‘The Boner‘ Boehner to chair the important Science, Space and Technology Committee.
A near-perfect, dumb-ass pick — via Think Progress:

Like his predecessor, Rep. Smith is a climate change skeptic.
Smith refers to supporters of the scientific consensus as “global warming alarmists” and has criticized the media for not giving equal time to warming skeptics.
His official website does say warming is occurring, but does not, as the consensus does, cite human activity as the cause.
Unsurprisingly, Smith received significant donations from both Koch industries and the oil and gas sector in his most recent campaign.
The new House point man on technology is also the author of the terrible Stop Online Privacy Act (SOPA) and opposes potentially life-saving embryonic stem cell research.

A major, major asshole amongst a rather lengthy list of other assholes.
And how are assholes assholes?
This a review of ‘Assholes: A Theory,’ by Aaron James at Macleans.ca, and how these shitheads inhabit life (h/t The Big Picture):

They aren’t mere jerks, and they aren’t rapists or murderers.
Rather, James writes, assholes populate the vast moral middle ground between the two.
The true asshole, James writes, “is immunized by his sense of entitlement against the complaints of other people.”
He is narcissistic, self-absorbed, impolite, and permanently thoughtless to those around him—and it is almost always a him—nearly to the point of sociopathy.
(A TV analogy: Steve Carell’s The Office character, Michael Scott, is just a jerk; his inspiration, Ricky Gervais’s David Brent from the original British Office, is an asshole.)
And while they may not stick a shiv in your back, they will gladly manipulate the banking system and bleed you to death that way.
Indeed, it is in his chapter “Asshole Capitalism” where James hits his stride.
Unlike Communism, which in practice engendered a small, elite group of assholes, James believes unbridled capitalism, stripped of those virtue-engendering values that assholes disdain, is an ideal system through which many assholes can band together to completely tilt the game in their favour.
Does he make a case?
Hint: his main target is the U.S. banking system, and the disaster it provoked in 2008.
It almost writes itself.

And maybe just because one attended an ‘Ivy League’ college, maybe you’re an asshole, too.
From The Havard Crimson and another review of another review of assholes: Are you an asshole? If you’re a student of the Ivy League, then according to conservative conservative news magazine The National Review’s Fred Schwarz, then yes, yes you are. You can be an asshole from the West, an asshole from the East, a tall asshole or a short asshole. Regardless, you are an “Ivy League ***hole,” Schwarz wrote.

And with that, let’s turn to apparently the exact-and-very-last Republican who wasn’t an asshole — Abe Lincoln.
The beard, buddy, it’s the beard.
I saw the new movie, ‘Lincoln,’ last week, and it’s really good — one item noteworthy was the awful hair on all forms of men presented in the film. Seemingly, no one in them days used a comb or brush — bad hair on head and faces were everywhere and people didn’t seem to notice or care.
Along with a shitload of other stuff that made 1865 not that much fun, was all that awful hair.
And how did Abe get his straggly, nasty-looking whiskers?
From The Week magazine and a letter to Abe from an 11-year-old girl:

Dear Sir

My father has just home from the fair and brought home your picture and Mr. Hamlin’s. I am a little girl only 11 years old, but want you should be President of the United States very much so I hope you wont think me very bold to write to such a great man as you are. Have you any little girls about as large as I am if so give them my love and tell her to write to me if you cannot answer this letter. I have got 4 brothers and part of them will vote for you any way and if you let your whiskers grow I will try and get the rest of them to vote for you you would look a great deal better for your face is so thin. All the ladies like whiskers and they would tease their husbands to vote for you and then you would be President. My father is going to vote for you and if I was a man I would vote for you to but I will try to get every one to vote for you that I can I think that rail fence around your picture makes it look very pretty I have got a little baby sister she is nine weeks old and is just as cunning as can be. When you direct your letter direct to Grace Bedell Westfield Chautauqua County New York.
I must not write any more answer this letter right off
Good bye Grace Bedell”

And Lincoln responded:

Miss Grace Bedell
My dear little Miss

Your very agreeable letter of the 15th is received — I regret the necessity of saying I have no daughters — I have three sons — one seventeen, one nine, and one seven years of age — They, with their mother, constitute my whole family — As to the whiskers, having never worn any, do you not think people would call it a piece of silly affectation if I were to begin it now?
Your very sincere well wisher,
A. Lincoln”

He did visit Grace after he was elected.

Well, time is time whether you’re an asshole or not, wind and rain rustling through bad hair.

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