Hillary Rodham ‘Hussein’

May 3, 2007

Decider George can’t becide what to do, or say. Four years ago, he publicly mused he didn’t worry too much about Osama Bin Laden’s outfit, the now-mega-famous (or infamous, if you will, depending on what part of the planet you’re on) Al-Qaeda and the impact the group displayed.

And now as the situation in Iraq continually turns into some real-shitty shit, Decider George has decided to put the steam to his favorite old chestnut, sawhorse or maybe, his favorite scapegoat, good, ole Osama and his boys. Despite all the freaking evidence to the contrary, it’s the Saddam Hussein and Osama relationship, albeit an Alice down-the-freaking-rabbit hole link.

According to washingtonpost.com, Decider George gave a speech yesterday at the Willard Hotel and babbled mental-incoherently about the real reason the US is in Iraq. “For America, the decision we face in Iraq is not whether we ought to take sides in a civil war, it’s whether we stay in the fight against the same international terrorist network that attacked us on 9/11,” the Website reported.

What a lying nob-head. Decider George, of course, failed to mention Al-Qaeda wouldn’t be there without America’s “shock and awe” entrance four years ago. And every report on international terrorism that comes out notes the Iraqi war has made the world much, much more terror-prone. And he also failed to observe that Osama’s boys play only a small role in the overall hellish violence.

Culprits for the vast, vast majority of the slaughter is homegrown, so home-grown the animosity and hatred spans back to 650 A.D, give or take a few years. Islam split like the Catholic Church in a “schism” into two branches then, Sunnis and Shiites, and these people can slash each other’s throats at the drop of an AK-47. The useless government now running Iraq festers the violence.

In Christianty, there’s also a shitload of sections, divided at the head by either Protestant and Catholic. And what if all these Christian denominations suddenly, for some now-unfathomable reason, started to act like their Islamic counterparts and each had its own death squads, heavily-armed militias and check points (armed Baptist check point vs a road block guarded by Episcopalians) to keep sections of American cities religiously correct: Presbyterian for the Presbyterians, Pentecoastal only or die!

What a freaking, dangerous hellhole. Decider George needs much more urgent help.

In the insane sequel to Hot Shots! Hot Shots! Part Deux in 1993, Charlie Sheen plays a Rambo-like commando on a mission inside Iraq (although the movie never says) and gets into a sword duel with Saddam Hussein. Sheen’s sword breaks on an encounter with a candle. He races up a flight of stairs with Saddam (played with uncanningly closeness by actor Jerry Haleva, whose whole career seemed to center around playing the Iraqi thug) hard on his heels. In desparation, Sheen grabs up a mobile phone and snatches out the antenna (this is 1993) and continues the sword duel with Saddam. In seconds the phone rings: Sheen tells Saddam to hold it, answers and conveys to the dicator the caller was his wife, Hillary Rodham Hussein. Saddam gets all nervous, tells Sheen to fake a message.

How would they know that which was insane, but funny 14 years ago has become a chillingly and sarcastic scorecard on just how fucked up the entire planet has become.

Have a good day and maybe we’ll meet tomorrow.

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