Dufus Dick Cheney flew into Baghdad early this morning, wearing a fashion-conscious bullet-proof garment under his sport coat, which at first glimpse, looked a lot like a nice, cordoroy vest. Dufus Dick is in Iraq to try and stir up some freaking success without lying about it.

He couldn’t find any so he lied. “Everyone realizes there are still serious security issues, problems, threats,” Dufus Dick reportedly said, “but the impression I got talking with them (Iraqis/Americans in Baghdad), and this includes the military, is they do believe we are making progress.”

And according to CNN: “Meanwhile, a mortar round landed in Baghdad’s Green Zone during Cheney’s visit.” Meanwhile?! The Iraqi people are living in a day-to-day hell and Dufus Dickhead said progress is being made.

Windows rattled and the sound of the explosion could be heard from where Dufus Dick was dicking around. Reporters covering the dickmeister were moved to a safe location. The big dick himself, however, stood his ground. He really has no personal clue. “I have to rely on reports, because obviously, I’ve spent the day here, basically, in our embassy in the Green Zone,” he was quoted as saying.

Dufus Dick needs to get out more. See the sights. Take a little stroll through a Baghdad marketplace like the moron-jackboot John McCain. Hell, Dufus Dick already has the vest in place and why not put it to some good use. Maybe a little visit to Sadr City. A luncheon in Ramaldi?

And just this morning wonkette.com, which covers Washington, D.C., gossip, ran a rumor-item from blogger Wayne Madsen, who claims Dufus Dick is on the DC Madam’s list of customers. Although the bit couldn’t be confirmed, it really doesn’t suprise anyone familiar with Dufus Dick. He pays for it and then walks away with a shiteatin’ grin. Just as well: The entire freaking planet is paying for what he and Decider George have touched the last near-seven years.

Dufus Dick can’t continue on forever.